I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
