It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
