I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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