Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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