Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize