i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
