If i come over, it means nothing
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize