my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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