I just saw a hot homeless man
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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