i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
