you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
