hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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