SEEEEXXX PLEASE
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
