Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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