I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
