I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
