yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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