So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
