i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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