He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
