I'm really into asian looking animals
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
