it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize