remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
