I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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