Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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