But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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