We need to start having sex underwater more often.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
