You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
