ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
