my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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