I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
