So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
