I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
