I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
