That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
