i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
