one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
