Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize