I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
