I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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