Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your penis caused this!
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