Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
