There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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