margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
