It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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