You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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