the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
