I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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