I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
