I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
