Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
