We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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