We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
