i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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