hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
