somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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