I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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