that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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