I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
