Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
