no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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