my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
