Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
