Welp...herpes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
