Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
