I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize