I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
