sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize