she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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