Slut skills are useful in every country.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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