We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
