i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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