can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
