I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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