He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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