its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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