I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
