I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize