you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
