Your dad touched me again.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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