found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
