Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
