My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
