did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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