i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
