Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
