I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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