why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
