Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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