and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
